[It's a long, confusing story. One that leaves her a bit muddled and definitely scared. Whoever Maul was, it wasn't someone she wanted near Willow again. If she had to, she'd break out the blood magic she's been trying to avoid.
She fidgeted with her hands, playing with the fabric of her gloves. It was a bit warm in the house, but wool would at least guarantee that Willow wouldn't be hurt. She chewed her lower lip, trying to make sense of it all. Willow threatened, some guy looming as a danger. Like Adam or Glory, someone that could do a lot of damage.]
So...why do you need to tell me this? Has something happened?
[It's hard to talk about this sensitively without getting into the details of her death, and wow, is that ever not a conversation she's ready for right now. Especially with Maul apparently prepping to come after her again.]
He, uh, tried a second time. But I - I wasn't home. So he tore down my house. Right to the foundations, there was nothing left. That's when I moved in here with everyone. It was safer.
John came up with an idea to cast a spell on him - to stop him from hurting people.
[She's sure, even if Tara hasn't met Constantine yet, she's mentioned him before. They are close, after all, and have been for quite some time. This part, at least, is going to sound very specifically familiar.]
If he tried to hurt anyone, it would hurt him too. The cure for it was true remorse. The idea was if he realized how badly his actions were hurting the people around him - especially given he has a lot of close friends here - that maybe he would stop. And for awhile, it seemed like he was getting better. I mean, he was still angry, and still with the threats, but they seemed to have less... I dunno, bite behind them?
[Willow pauses, trying to determine the best way to break the news, but in the end, she decides it's best to come out with it.]
He, um. He posted to the network. Just now. He found a way to break the spell we cast on him, and it kind of sounds like he's right back where he started. He's already made it clear he plans on coming after the people responsible.
[Tara gives a look of reproach at the idea of controlling someone through magic. Three times with that experience, she's not really the most understanding about it, even if it was to try to save people. It was like muzzling Spike. Whatever the reason, it wasn't right. Some things should be left to nature.]
You know better than to do that, Willow. What happened the last time you tried to control someone with magic? He's a murderer, but controlling someone's actions and mind, it's against the laws of magic. It's just like the Initiative.
[She's not happy. Really not happy.]
Of course. [She crossed her arms.] When you do that sort of magic and it breaks or backfires, things go wrong.
[She didn't expect Tara to understand, not really. She doesn't have the full story, and Willow is still unwilling to acknowledge the role that dying herself had played in the decision to curse Maul, and the knowledge that dying a second time would result in the loss of her memory.]
It wasn't about control, it was about defense. The only reason I got away from him the first time was because he didn't know I could do magic, and he wasn't prepared, and even then I only just got away. He made it clear he was going to keep coming after me until he managed to kill me and Glitch. He told Glitch he would 'hand him the heads of everyone who tried to protect him' before killing him too.
[She has already had this argument with Oscar, she does not care to rehash it again with Tara, but it's hard not to be particularly defensive about a very stressful time.]
A lot's changed since Sunnydale, but I hope you don't think I made that decision lightly, or easily, and I hope you don't think I didn't consider what might happen. It was the end of the world, Tara - literally - like, world full of fog and monster insects trying to come through the drains to kill us. I had just moved in, Ozpin got killed, like, days later and we were waiting for him to come back, his ex-wife was here, and that was another really big problem. It was total chaos. On top of that, we had to worry about this psychopath coming after us. I did what I felt like I had to at the time to keep us all a little safer.
Making him feel pain if he hurt a Sleeper didn't even stop him, it just slowed him down enough to give us a chance to survive, and we told him how to cure himself too. It was never meant to be a long term thing like Spike's chip.
[She sighs at the last question, and shakes her head.]
There might be some blood magic stuff I could do if I had the right books and ingredients, but nothing I used to be able to do at home - or in Deerington - works here at all.
There are other ways to defend yourself against him. It might not be with the intention to control him, but that's what essentially it is. What happened with Oz was never against him, but in an effort to protect the house. That ward was defense and it didn't need to alter anything about him.
[She was exhausted and exasperated. Where she might have been harsher and more angry, she just felt drained. So much of this was a time when she wasn't here, so she wasn't exactly in a position to criticize. But given that the last thing she remembered was dying, time hasn't passed the same for her as it did for Willow.
The whole argument and fight about Willow's use to magic hadn't passed long enough for Tara. So this was tossing her right back into an old argument that she had thought Willow overcame. All she could do was think back to the things she knew, rather than just take Willow's word for it. She claimed it wasn't the same, but how could Tara really know that?
It was also the reminder that she hadn't been there for it, so she wouldn't fully know. It wasn't said harshly, but the meaning still stung. Rather than get more huffy, Tara just crossed her arms and shook her head. Her eyes were lowered, distant and tired.]
[She doesn't want a fight - especially not here, not now. Tara has made her feelings clear, and Willow is painfully aware there's still a lot she doesn't know about what they learned in the wake of her death and the fallout it brought. That is a conversation she feels even less ready for than ever.
She's frustrated and hurt that Tara doesn't seem to understand, but she recognizes without full context, maybe that's unreasonable, so she shoves the feeling aside. Instead, she looks away as Tara crosses her arms and picks at a stray thread on the bedspread with an unhappy sigh.]
Yeah. Or, at least he's threatening revenge. I guess we just ward the house against him and I stay inside until it blows over.
[It's risky. She was having a great deal of trouble connecting to the natural energy of the Trench. She couldn't feel the growth of plants or the vibrations of life around her. Being disconnected, her magic was at a disadvantage. Willow had always done things differently, so it might seem like a natural thing that Tara should be able to cast.
But it seemed like the potency was lacking for her.
The Vile Blood didn't really help either, as it drained whatever lingering confidence she had. She was never the powerful witch to begin with, the one everyone looked to. But apparently here, where flying beneath notice would be better, she was the go to.
The vampire warding was one she knew really well, so she could make up for her lack of connection. This one though? It was uncertain how potent the wards would be.]
If that's okay. I mean, I'm sure the others will help too if need be. Ange is good with magic too, and Shannon is learning.
There's, um, a spell I adapted from the no vampires allowed spell that should keep him off the property - plus, the early warning spell. Those are the two I used in Deerington to keep him away from my house and TRUST. I can walk you through it.
[She's a little frustrated. Warding and using spells that Willow tweaked herself and was structured around her own skill in magic was tricky, but worse with loose footing and no connection. She was basically driving in the dark without light. It didn't matter if someone said they knew the road really well and drove it all the time, she'd still be rely on someone else to act as her eyes.]
I don't know if I can, Will.
[She didn't want to be a downer or dismiss the idea outright, but she felt uneasy and like she was heading for disaster if she tried. If it meant Willow's life and safety, she wasn't about to rely on being half right rather than completely.]
My magic isn't really working right here and I can't figure out yet how to compensate. Messing up means leaving you vulnerable.
[Willow shakes her head. After the revoke invitation spell went off without a problem, she hadn't realized Tara was struggling with her own magic as well.
She shrugs a little.]
I didn't realize your magic wasn't working right either. It's okay, I'll get one of the others to take care of it for us.
I'm sorry. [She felt like she was disappointing Willow. It hurt to admit her shortcomings. She was failing her girlfriend and just...being worthless.] The vampire spell, I already knew that one. I've done it enough that I knew how to keep it from backfiring.
I've...I've never been so good at these kinds of warding.
[She reached out, clasping Willow's arm. Her gloves were on and she was wearing layers, so there was no threat of Willow being hurt.]
I've been having trouble in my meditation and connecting to nature.
[Willow smiles at Tara's touch and curls her fingers around her hand in a gentle squeeze. These little moments are too few and too far between these days with having to worry about the effect of the touch of bare skin.]
No, no, it's fine. I understand. Things were a little backfire-y for me in Deerington. You know, kind of like at home, a couple years ago? But here...
[She sighs and shrugs. She can't even make the most basic of spells work right now, and even the attempt results in migraines and strange fog, and distorted sounds she can't quite make sense of. It's been a source of such frustration.]
It is. [And it's been very frustrating. Even with her regret and disappointment at failing Willow, there was annoyance on her face for the disruptions to her natural magic.] There are others that told me they've been having trouble too. I guess it's easier for them to overcome it because their magic is different too?
[She thinks back to her conversation with Ange, curious what Willow would make of it.]
Do you think the forest would be better to tap into?
Ange, Shannon, and Oscar have all offered to help here. John, too.
[It will probably be John she reaches out to for help with the wards without Tara being confident she can successfully cast them here. His magic is still as strong as it ever was in Deerington, and presumably as strong as it was in his own world too.
Willow quiet for a moment, contemplative. She hadn't known Tara was struggling, but it's a relief that it's not just her. She's not entirely sure what it means yet, or if it changes whether or not she will ever find a way to recover her magic, but she still intends to try.]
It could be. It could be because their magic works differently, or comes from a different source...
[She can practically hear Giles' voice ring in her ears - It's inside you now, this magic - and she discards that idea immediately.]
Or maybe just some... I dunno, interference, I guess? Between worlds, or in how we're brought to this one. I've been trying to figure it out, but it hasn't been easy, because it's not consistent. You can have two people from the exact same world with the exact same powers, and they come here and it's different for each of them.
I don't know if tapping into the forest will help, but we can always try once things settle down if you want?
[Maybe it was because she died. The natural order was broken and so was her connection to magic? But she somehow doubted that. Whenever she tried to tap into nature, it didn't feel severed so much, but just crossed wires. It might be the only time that she could say she wasn't tainted.
And that thought summoned images of her father, being told she was a demon.
She shook her head, which at least would look like she was replying to the conversation. Dark memories weren't something she wanted to touch on at the moment.]
I guess things might be different for them, but I don't think it's just their worlds and their connection there. Your magic might be messing up, but you don't tap into the same forces I do. You never did.
[Which was what lead Tara to not really understand Willow's reliance on magic. She didn't regret her actions, she just wished she could understand better, even now.]
Well, at least there is someone who can help, so you don't feel so vulnerable. Stay in the house, wait for things to die down.
We could play cards or board games. Treat it like that night during Buffy's party where we were all trapped?
I've been looking into it kind of a lot since I got here...
[For a lot of reasons. She feels helpless and unable to defend herself without magic here, especially in light of some of the serious threats they've faced in Trench, and she hates it. Besides that, Giles had warned her that stopping her use of magic all together could be just as dangerous as using too much, and the thought of losing control, and unleashing her dark side again is terrifying. She's already done an unmeasurable amount of damage in Sunnydale, she doesn't want to do the same thing here too.]
I don't have any real answers, though. It looks like coming here affects everyone's abilities differently - whether it's magic like what we can do, or just raw power like a Slayer's, or a Semblance like the people from Ozpin's world have. Sometimes even people who didn't have any special powers at all end up with something when they come here, and there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. It's just... random. Or it seems like it is anyway.
Yeah... trust me, I'm not going far for awhile, not without someone who could fight him with me anyway.
[She hasn't forgotten her promise to Savage, and he's already said he would make sure she gets safely to the Archives and back home again so they can continue his reading lessons. He's making good progress, and she doesn't want to see him backslide now, and she trusts him enough to not let her come to harm should they run into Maul.]
Board games, card games, those sound like pretty good ways to pass the time, meanwhile...
Maybe that's where I'm tripped up? Magic isn't random to me, you know? It has laws like science and a natural course. Coming here and having all this weird stuff happen that I can't find the order in, it's overwhelming. Maybe it would have been easier if my magic was more like yours to begin with? I might be able to "roll with it" better.
Well, I've never been good at the fighting, but you know I'll be with you no matter what.
[She touched Willow's hand again. At least they were in all of this weirdness together.]
Yeah, definitely. We can work on meditation too, if you like? Remember when we first met and all the experimenting with magic? We could try that and see if it helps us find our control?
For me, it's more like... interference, I guess? Like, when I try to cast a spell, everything goes foggy, and all I can hear is static - kind of like a radio that's not in tune. I can hear someone talking under it, but I can't tell what they're saying.
John and I tried to work on it for awhile, but the headaches got too bad, so I had to stop.
[She's been searching the Archives for a solution, but so far she hasn't uncovered much except that powers at home don't necessarily translate across to Trench. The only thing that's kept her searching beyond that is the fact that when she does try a spell, something still happens.
She smiles warmly as Tara touches her hand again, and places her other hand on top of hers. Of course she remembers their early experiments with magic. All the time spent together, getting to know each other, helping one another, were bright spots in what was otherwise a very difficult... Well, couple years, really.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
She fidgeted with her hands, playing with the fabric of her gloves. It was a bit warm in the house, but wool would at least guarantee that Willow wouldn't be hurt. She chewed her lower lip, trying to make sense of it all. Willow threatened, some guy looming as a danger. Like Adam or Glory, someone that could do a lot of damage.]
So...why do you need to tell me this? Has something happened?
no subject
Uh huh... There's more.
[It's hard to talk about this sensitively without getting into the details of her death, and wow, is that ever not a conversation she's ready for right now. Especially with Maul apparently prepping to come after her again.]
He, uh, tried a second time. But I - I wasn't home. So he tore down my house. Right to the foundations, there was nothing left. That's when I moved in here with everyone. It was safer.
John came up with an idea to cast a spell on him - to stop him from hurting people.
[She's sure, even if Tara hasn't met Constantine yet, she's mentioned him before. They are close, after all, and have been for quite some time. This part, at least, is going to sound very specifically familiar.]
If he tried to hurt anyone, it would hurt him too. The cure for it was true remorse. The idea was if he realized how badly his actions were hurting the people around him - especially given he has a lot of close friends here - that maybe he would stop. And for awhile, it seemed like he was getting better. I mean, he was still angry, and still with the threats, but they seemed to have less... I dunno, bite behind them?
[Willow pauses, trying to determine the best way to break the news, but in the end, she decides it's best to come out with it.]
He, um. He posted to the network. Just now. He found a way to break the spell we cast on him, and it kind of sounds like he's right back where he started. He's already made it clear he plans on coming after the people responsible.
no subject
You know better than to do that, Willow. What happened the last time you tried to control someone with magic? He's a murderer, but controlling someone's actions and mind, it's against the laws of magic. It's just like the Initiative.
[She's not happy. Really not happy.]
Of course. [She crossed her arms.] When you do that sort of magic and it breaks or backfires, things go wrong.
[Not that she isn't worried about Willow.]
Can you ward this place?
no subject
It wasn't about control, it was about defense. The only reason I got away from him the first time was because he didn't know I could do magic, and he wasn't prepared, and even then I only just got away. He made it clear he was going to keep coming after me until he managed to kill me and Glitch. He told Glitch he would 'hand him the heads of everyone who tried to protect him' before killing him too.
[She has already had this argument with Oscar, she does not care to rehash it again with Tara, but it's hard not to be particularly defensive about a very stressful time.]
A lot's changed since Sunnydale, but I hope you don't think I made that decision lightly, or easily, and I hope you don't think I didn't consider what might happen. It was the end of the world, Tara - literally - like, world full of fog and monster insects trying to come through the drains to kill us. I had just moved in, Ozpin got killed, like, days later and we were waiting for him to come back, his ex-wife was here, and that was another really big problem. It was total chaos. On top of that, we had to worry about this psychopath coming after us. I did what I felt like I had to at the time to keep us all a little safer.
Making him feel pain if he hurt a Sleeper didn't even stop him, it just slowed him down enough to give us a chance to survive, and we told him how to cure himself too. It was never meant to be a long term thing like Spike's chip.
[She sighs at the last question, and shakes her head.]
There might be some blood magic stuff I could do if I had the right books and ingredients, but nothing I used to be able to do at home - or in Deerington - works here at all.
no subject
[She was exhausted and exasperated. Where she might have been harsher and more angry, she just felt drained. So much of this was a time when she wasn't here, so she wasn't exactly in a position to criticize. But given that the last thing she remembered was dying, time hasn't passed the same for her as it did for Willow.
The whole argument and fight about Willow's use to magic hadn't passed long enough for Tara. So this was tossing her right back into an old argument that she had thought Willow overcame. All she could do was think back to the things she knew, rather than just take Willow's word for it. She claimed it wasn't the same, but how could Tara really know that?
It was also the reminder that she hadn't been there for it, so she wouldn't fully know. It wasn't said harshly, but the meaning still stung. Rather than get more huffy, Tara just crossed her arms and shook her head. Her eyes were lowered, distant and tired.]
Now he wants revenge for it?
no subject
She's frustrated and hurt that Tara doesn't seem to understand, but she recognizes without full context, maybe that's unreasonable, so she shoves the feeling aside. Instead, she looks away as Tara crosses her arms and picks at a stray thread on the bedspread with an unhappy sigh.]
Yeah. Or, at least he's threatening revenge. I guess we just ward the house against him and I stay inside until it blows over.
no subject
[It's risky. She was having a great deal of trouble connecting to the natural energy of the Trench. She couldn't feel the growth of plants or the vibrations of life around her. Being disconnected, her magic was at a disadvantage. Willow had always done things differently, so it might seem like a natural thing that Tara should be able to cast.
But it seemed like the potency was lacking for her.
The Vile Blood didn't really help either, as it drained whatever lingering confidence she had. She was never the powerful witch to begin with, the one everyone looked to. But apparently here, where flying beneath notice would be better, she was the go to.
The vampire warding was one she knew really well, so she could make up for her lack of connection. This one though? It was uncertain how potent the wards would be.]
no subject
If that's okay. I mean, I'm sure the others will help too if need be. Ange is good with magic too, and Shannon is learning.
There's, um, a spell I adapted from the no vampires allowed spell that should keep him off the property - plus, the early warning spell. Those are the two I used in Deerington to keep him away from my house and TRUST. I can walk you through it.
no subject
I don't know if I can, Will.
[She didn't want to be a downer or dismiss the idea outright, but she felt uneasy and like she was heading for disaster if she tried. If it meant Willow's life and safety, she wasn't about to rely on being half right rather than completely.]
My magic isn't really working right here and I can't figure out yet how to compensate. Messing up means leaving you vulnerable.
no subject
[Willow shakes her head. After the revoke invitation spell went off without a problem, she hadn't realized Tara was struggling with her own magic as well.
She shrugs a little.]
I didn't realize your magic wasn't working right either. It's okay, I'll get one of the others to take care of it for us.
no subject
I've...I've never been so good at these kinds of warding.
[She reached out, clasping Willow's arm. Her gloves were on and she was wearing layers, so there was no threat of Willow being hurt.]
I've been having trouble in my meditation and connecting to nature.
no subject
No, no, it's fine. I understand. Things were a little backfire-y for me in Deerington. You know, kind of like at home, a couple years ago? But here...
[She sighs and shrugs. She can't even make the most basic of spells work right now, and even the attempt results in migraines and strange fog, and distorted sounds she can't quite make sense of. It's been a source of such frustration.]
It's a lot different here.
no subject
[She thinks back to her conversation with Ange, curious what Willow would make of it.]
Do you think the forest would be better to tap into?
[But that didn't help with things right now.]
Who else can do the warding?
no subject
[It will probably be John she reaches out to for help with the wards without Tara being confident she can successfully cast them here. His magic is still as strong as it ever was in Deerington, and presumably as strong as it was in his own world too.
Willow quiet for a moment, contemplative. She hadn't known Tara was struggling, but it's a relief that it's not just her. She's not entirely sure what it means yet, or if it changes whether or not she will ever find a way to recover her magic, but she still intends to try.]
It could be. It could be because their magic works differently, or comes from a different source...
[She can practically hear Giles' voice ring in her ears -
It's inside you now, this magic - and she discards that idea immediately.]
Or maybe just some... I dunno, interference, I guess? Between worlds, or in how we're brought to this one. I've been trying to figure it out, but it hasn't been easy, because it's not consistent. You can have two people from the exact same world with the exact same powers, and they come here and it's different for each of them.
I don't know if tapping into the forest will help, but we can always try once things settle down if you want?
no subject
And that thought summoned images of her father, being told she was a demon.
She shook her head, which at least would look like she was replying to the conversation. Dark memories weren't something she wanted to touch on at the moment.]
I guess things might be different for them, but I don't think it's just their worlds and their connection there. Your magic might be messing up, but you don't tap into the same forces I do. You never did.
[Which was what lead Tara to not really understand Willow's reliance on magic. She didn't regret her actions, she just wished she could understand better, even now.]
Well, at least there is someone who can help, so you don't feel so vulnerable. Stay in the house, wait for things to die down.
We could play cards or board games. Treat it like that night during Buffy's party where we were all trapped?
no subject
[For a lot of reasons. She feels helpless and unable to defend herself without magic here, especially in light of some of the serious threats they've faced in Trench, and she hates it. Besides that, Giles had warned her that stopping her use of magic all together could be just as dangerous as using too much, and the thought of losing control, and unleashing her dark side again is terrifying. She's already done an unmeasurable amount of damage in Sunnydale, she doesn't want to do the same thing here too.]
I don't have any real answers, though. It looks like coming here affects everyone's abilities differently - whether it's magic like what we can do, or just raw power like a Slayer's, or a Semblance like the people from Ozpin's world have. Sometimes even people who didn't have any special powers at all end up with something when they come here, and there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. It's just... random. Or it seems like it is anyway.
Yeah... trust me, I'm not going far for awhile, not without someone who could fight him with me anyway.
[She hasn't forgotten her promise to Savage, and he's already said he would make sure she gets safely to the Archives and back home again so they can continue his reading lessons. He's making good progress, and she doesn't want to see him backslide now, and she trusts him enough to not let her come to harm should they run into Maul.]
Board games, card games, those sound like pretty good ways to pass the time, meanwhile...
no subject
Well, I've never been good at the fighting, but you know I'll be with you no matter what.
[She touched Willow's hand again. At least they were in all of this weirdness together.]
Yeah, definitely. We can work on meditation too, if you like? Remember when we first met and all the experimenting with magic? We could try that and see if it helps us find our control?
no subject
John and I tried to work on it for awhile, but the headaches got too bad, so I had to stop.
[She's been searching the Archives for a solution, but so far she hasn't uncovered much except that powers at home don't necessarily translate across to Trench. The only thing that's kept her searching beyond that is the fact that when she does try a spell, something still happens.
She smiles warmly as Tara touches her hand again, and places her other hand on top of hers. Of course she remembers their early experiments with magic. All the time spent together, getting to know each other, helping one another, were bright spots in what was otherwise a very difficult... Well, couple years, really.]
Yeah. I'd like that a lot.